"My father told me, son don't worry about her ex-husband. This woman is under your roof now!" - Tondolo.
My father told me, “Son, don’t worry about her ex-husband. This woman is under your roof now, you have the instruments of power in your trousers, focus on impregnating her and shame her ex-husband who failed to impregnate her for 10 years!”
By Lottie Tondolo Siame
Lusaka, Nov. 3 – Knocking off from work, I found my mother in-law, bashibukombe, my father and my wife waiting for me. I was shocked to see dad, “How could he travel from Mansa to Lusaka without telling me?” Usually I am the one who sends him transport money whenever he travels to Lusaka. “Who could have sent him the money this time around?” I asked myself whilst greeting them.
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After greeting them, I wanted to proceed to the bedroom but dad stopped me. So I took a seat. Whilst sitting, I kept on asking myself questions like what could the meeting be all about? “What have I done? Could it be that my wife has discovered that I am cheating on her?”
I got lost in my thoughts, then my father cleared his throat and called the meeting to order. He asked my wife to explain why she called for a meeting. Before my wife explained, I was sweating and trembling.
My wife started explaining with tears in her eyes. She said, “The last three years I have been married to this man, he has failed to impregnate me. I want to divorce him.” My heart pounced.
With an angry face, my father asked “My son is what your wife saying true?” Before I could answer, my wife cut in saying this man before marrying me he promised me that we would get married at 10:00hours, then he would impregnate me by 14:00hours and have me deliver twins at midnight.
My shibukombe rubbished my wife’s statement saying, that’s impossible. I must have used that to lure her into marrying me because if I would have told her the truth she wouldn’t have agreed to marry me.
My father told them to keep quiet and allow me to explain myself. I told my father that I had not failed to impregnate my wife. I was just working on other important things before I finally impregnating her. My mother in-law cut in and asked me, “Ba Tata what is it that you are working on instead of impregnating my daughter? I want grandchildren.”
With permission from my father, I dashed to the bedroom and got a flip chart. My father asked me what the flip chart had to do with impregnating my wife. I told him they were graphs and I wanted to show them where my wife was coming from. Pointing at the graph, I told them my wife came from an abusive marriage of 10 years before I married her.
“When I married her as you can see through the graph, in the first year I have been working on her physical beauty. She was bruised and had scars but today they are no more. Second year, I have been working on her mental health because she was called all sorts of names in her previous marriage.”
“Third year, 2023, I am working on her spiritual health and empowerment as you maybe aware she was used to being given handouts by her ex-husband and getting kaloba, Zamcash! You see dad, before a woman conceives she has to be physically, mentally and spiritually stable.”
My mother in-law cut me and said, “Ba tata we are not kids. Enough of those graphs as they are not going to impregnate my daughter.” My father asked if I had a better reason as to why I had failed to impregnate my wife for three years. Quickly I answered blaming her ex-husband.
My shibukombe asked what her ex had done? I told them that her ex-husband had been patronizing our area jogging with his cadres saying alebwelelapo meaning he wants to re-marry my wife after abusing her for 10 years. Just recently he made a public announcement saying he wants to re-marry my wife. “So how can I impregnate my wife when I am being disturbed by her ex-husband?”
My father told me, “Son don’t worry about her ex-husband. This woman is under your roof now. You have instruments of power in your trousers, focus on impregnating her and shame her ex-husband who failed to impregnate her for 10 years.”
My wife told my father that the other problem in our marriage was that for the last three year, I have been talking about her ex-husband instead of focusing on our marriage.
My father sternly warned me that I should never talk about my wife’s ex-husband because it was me sleeping with her not her ex-husband.
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He then turned to my wife and pleaded with her not to divorce me. He asked her to at least give me up to five years, telling her that if I would fail to impregnate her then she could think of going back to her ex-husband. He also cautioned her about that decision of going back to her ex-husband saying, “akabwelelo kalalya ba mayo!”
Yes things are hard but my son is taking good care of you.
About The Author: Tondolo is a Comedian, actor, and performs as master of ceremony at public events. Contact: 0976/0960-715599
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Putting news into perspective
Good counsel from the father. I mean..hell..why should the man keep on blaming the ex husband to his wife? He is acting immature and unfocused. Let him just pregnant the woman. Simple!!! Otherwise in two to three yrs to come chikwati ciisile.
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