Father intervenes in a 3 year old collapsing marriage.

My father told me, “Son, don’t worry about her ex-husband. This woman is under your roof now, you have the instruments of power in your trousers, focus on impregnating her and shame her ex-husband who failed to impregnate her for 10 years!”

By Lottie Tondolo Siame

Lusaka, Nov. 3 – Knocking off from work, I found my mother in-law, bashibukombe, my father and my wife waiting for me. I was shocked to see dad, “How could he travel from Mansa to Lusaka without telling me?” Usually I am the one who sends him transport money whenever he travels to Lusaka. “Who could have sent him the money this time around?” I asked myself whilst greeting them.

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After greeting them, I wanted to proceed to the bedroom but dad stopped me. So I took a seat. Whilst sitting, I kept on asking myself questions like what could the meeting be all about? “What have I done? Could it be that my wife has discovered that I am cheating on her?”

I got lost in my thoughts, then my father cleared his throat and called the meeting to order. He asked my wife to explain why she called for a meeting. Before my wife explained, I was sweating and trembling.

My wife started explaining with tears in her eyes. She said, “The last three years I have been married to this man, he has failed to impregnate me. I want to divorce him.” My heart pounced.

With an angry face, my father asked “My son is what your wife saying true?” Before I could answer, my wife cut in saying this man before marrying me he promised me that we would get married at 10:00hours, then he would impregnate me by 14:00hours and have me deliver twins at midnight.

My shibukombe rubbished my wife’s statement saying, that’s impossible. I must have used that to lure her into marrying me because if I would have told her the truth she wouldn’t have agreed to marry me.

My father told them to keep quiet and allow me to explain myself. I told my father that I had not failed to impregnate my wife. I was just working on other important things before I finally impregnating her. My mother in-law cut in and asked me, “Ba Tata what is it that you are working on instead of impregnating my daughter? I want grandchildren.”

With permission from my father, I dashed to the bedroom and got a flip chart. My father asked me what the flip chart had to do with impregnating my wife. I told him they were graphs and I wanted to show them where my wife was coming from. Pointing at the graph, I told them my wife came from an abusive marriage of 10 years before I married her.

“When I married her as you can see through the graph, in the first year I have been working on her physical beauty. She was bruised and had scars but today they are no more. Second year, I have been working on her mental health because she was called all sorts of names in her previous marriage.”

“Third year, 2023, I am working on her spiritual health and empowerment as you maybe aware she was used to being given handouts by her ex-husband and getting kaloba, Zamcash! You see dad, before a woman conceives she has to be physically, mentally and spiritually stable.”

My mother in-law cut me and said, “Ba tata we are not kids. Enough of those graphs as they are not going to impregnate my daughter.” My father asked if I had a better reason as to why I had failed to impregnate my wife for three years. Quickly I answered blaming her ex-husband.

My shibukombe asked what her ex had done? I told them that her ex-husband had been patronizing our area jogging with his cadres saying alebwelelapo meaning he wants to re-marry my wife after abusing her for 10 years. Just recently he made a public announcement saying he wants to re-marry my wife. “So how can I impregnate my wife when I am being disturbed by her ex-husband?”

My father told me, “Son don’t worry about her ex-husband. This woman is under your roof now. You have instruments of power in your trousers, focus on impregnating her and shame her ex-husband who failed to impregnate her for 10 years.”

My wife told my father that the other problem in our marriage was that for the last three year, I have been talking about her ex-husband instead of focusing on our marriage.

My father sternly warned me that I should never talk about my wife’s ex-husband because it was me sleeping with her not her ex-husband.

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He then turned to my wife and pleaded with her not to divorce me. He asked her to at least give me up to five years, telling her that if I would fail to impregnate her then she could think of going back to her ex-husband. He also cautioned her about that decision of going back to her ex-husband saying, “akabwelelo kalalya ba mayo!”

Yes things are hard but my son is taking good care of you.

About The Author: Tondolo is a Comedian, actor, and performs as master of ceremony at public events. Contact: 0976/0960-715599

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